Midwives will always tell you your baby is cute and that the name you've chosen is great. Even if you baby has a squashed face and you chose the name Bryttuneeigh Raileeeeeeighn.
Sleeping babies can make lots of noise. But they're irresistable for kissing if you sneak into their room to see if they are really sleeping or if they have climbed out of their cot and are playing twister on the floor with their imaginary friends.
What goes in must come out.
When you have a boy you'd better be a quick nappy changer, often what comes out will come out when you don't want it to.
Projectile poo can make it all the way across the room (see the third point above) and will come at inconvenient times - like this morning when your partner is changing a nappy before rushing out to bring home the bacon.
Projectile poo will not only make it onto the floor but also mostly on your work pants. (See above).
Projectile poo is funny - when it has happened to someone else.
Vomit seems to be of a greater volume than that of the milk you just put into the baby.
Babies born 4 weeks premi may be able to fit snuggley into a camper boots box.
On your baby's first outing to the pub it's funny to pretend they're drinking beer while they sleep soundly.
Crafting time is only for inside your imagination...although you may be able to knit 4 rows of a baby hat during the course of a week...what an achievement.